I Love My Other Boy Too

(Just to clarify, of course.)

Speaking of conversations with my sons in cars, had another interesting one last night.  It had to do with the choices you make and the consequences they bring.

In Taekwon-do, we have a hand technique called an upward block.  The actual mechanics of it aren’t important, but the key point is that it is used to change the trajectory of an incoming kick.  That’s the literal translation of the Korean.  I was reminded of that because our conversation was all about life trajectories and how we change them.

My observation so far is that for good or bad, parents set their child on a particular life course with their expectations and lifestyle, but the child has the ability to change it.  The whole thing started with a conversation about college.  I was saying to him that two of my dear friends are extremely bright, but never got beyond high school.  One is a union ironworker, and the other is a car mechanic. He asked why they hadn’t gone to college, and I explained that some families don’t care much about education.  Or don’t have the money to send a kid to college.  Or have never sent anyone to college, have no idea how getting in works and don’t necessarily think it’s that important.  You could see him trying to process that.

I pointed out to him that his father and I have done everything we could to set him up to succeed, but that from here on out it’s on him.  He can stay on his current trajectory, keep doing well in school, get a job that makes him happy and have a happy life, or he can make choices that will temporarily or permanently change it.  He could do drugs, drive while drinking, get a girl pregnant...any of that would knock him right off that curve.  I also noted that he’s already changed his own trajectory for the better once, through hard work and determination.  Three or four years ago, he came to us and said that he was tired of being pigeonholed on the B team at his old soccer club and wanted to see if he could make a better team.  That child carried a soccer ball around with him for six solid months.  Every free minute he was shooting or juggling or dribbling, but damned if he didn’t make that new team when tryout time rolled around.  His old team is struggling right now, but the new one is playing tournaments all over the country and is likely to have several players make it to college teams.

It’s all about hard work and choices.  Stay the course, or change it?