A man I knew died today by his own hand. He left behind a wife and two children around my boys' ages. He was Thing One's baseball coach for a couple of years way back when but I hadn't seen much of him more recently.
Because this is a small town and word gets around quickly, I decided to talk to Thing One about it preemptively. By all accounts (spelled out in loving detail in our local paper, bless their sensationalist little hearts) the man made some bad professional decisions. As I explained to Thing One, sometimes, once people get started making bad decisions and get caught, they get overwhelmed by the consequences they're facing and make one final *really* bad decision. Looks like that's what happened here. Guy took a gun and shot himself. I'm having a hard time shaking the mental picture out of my head.
Assuming the paper got the story right, the situation was pretty bad. There was going to be fallout, both professional and personal, and you gotta just wonder what the hell he could have been thinking. But the bottom line is that he's gone now and I'm sure his wife and kids are devastated to a degree that I can't even begin to imagine. Life as they knew it is gone forever. And for absolutely no good reason, that's the kicker. Guy does something stupid, guy does something else even stupider, and his family is left behind to pick up the pieces. Jesus.
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When I was teaching in California, a colleague of mine committed suicide mid-year, leaving behind his wife and four young children. Nobody has any idea why (maybe his wife does but there's never been any word).
ReplyDeleteI know that there was depression in his family and maybe that was it, but I remain so angry at him. Angry about him leaving his family and about the students. He was an exceptional teacher and the kids could relate to him in a way that was really important - he was raised as a poor Mexican immigrant (like many of our students) who did well and he was so kind and supportive. Such a role model. And he killed himself mid-year, leaving them reeling.
I know I have no right to be angry at him, but I am.
I understand that anger entirely. The ripple effect of deaths like those is so extensive.
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