So, I understand now how special needs kids fall through the cracks.
When Thing One was in fifth grade, I was only peripherally aware of what he was doing at school. He kept track of his homework assignments. He did them and turned them in without prompting. God knows I never saw the child crack a book, but apparently he knew his stuff because he did (and does) well on tests.
Thing Two, on the other hand, cannot find his (school-related) ass with both hands and a flashlight. Getting him to understand the assignment and bring home the correct materials is only half the battle; then (depending on the subject and assignment) I either need to guide him as he does it or check his work afterward. I don't mind, really. I love the kid and his teachers are really trying hard to get him organized from the school end too.
I am also a highly educated stay-home parent with the time and patience (usually, anyway...) to get the kid through his homework or studying or whatever. Plus I have the resources at my disposal to hire professionals to help him where he needs help (currently, pragmatic speech and reading comprehension.) And it's STILL an uphill battle right now. Kids with working parents or ESL parents etc etc etc...I don't get how all of this happens at their houses. If it does, my hat is off to them because this shit ain't easy under even good circumstances.
If I back off, at least now, he won't get through. There is no freaking way. I'll have to figure out how to taper my involvement over time. But in the meantime, looks like I'm doing fifth grade again myself. Complete with relearning how to multiply and divide decimals. Ugh.