A Tough Lesson

My daughter Petunia is 10.  At this stage of the game, she is far more interested in dolls, art and soccer than boys, which makes me very happy.  Unfortunately, she is also an attractive, kind and friendly child (in my highly prejudiced opinion at least), which has resulted in her receiving unwanted attentions from boys her age on more than one occasion.  Nothing inappropriate, and it isn't that she doesn't like them as friends, she just has no interest in anything more (to which again I say: hallelujah.)

Her latest admirer is a very nice boy and they have quite literally known each other since her birth.  He's a few months older and the two of them played together as toddlers and have been in school together since kindergarten.  She came home from school one day very upset, as she'd discovered that he likes her and she didn't know what to do.  She didn't want to hurt his feelings but also wanted no part of any boy-girl anything with him.  She and I had several conversations about how to handle the situation, and she ended up writing him a very nice note explaining how she feels.  For what it's worth, the rule in our house (for all kids of all genders) has always been that you don't have to like somebody just because they like you, but you can't be mean to them about it either.

At any rate, the boy in question is now moping around school because he thinks she hates him.  Dear God and little chickens.  Petunia feels like this is her fault and is very sad.  I sat her down and told her very emphatically that it is not her job to make boys happy.  I explained that life is not all about getting what you want and that this boy needs to learn how to deal with disappointment, just as she likely will at some point when she's on the other side of something like this.  The idea that she would feel responsible in any way for his happiness, while understandable at this stage because she is a kind child, absolutely made my skin crawl.  She is not allowed to be mean, and she wasn't, but there's no way in HELL I'm allowing my girl to believe that she has to do what a boy wants because his happiness is more important than hers, and since circumstances have dictated that I have to start pounding that into her head in fifth grade, so be it.

The mother-warrior has spoken.