Right now my life feels small and very repetitive. I cook, I clean, I grocery shop, I do laundry; soon they all need doing again. I pack lunches; they are eaten and more are needed. The after school schedule is full, and the kids get where they need to go each day. Nothing big or important, just the life of a primary caregiver. (A life I actively chose, by the way, so I shouldn't be complaining.) I have my caching and taekwondo, and I appreciate them because they are my outlets, but I sometimes wonder whether I should be back at work by now. Especially when I am folding the fourth load of laundry and wondering why nobody in my family can EVER be bothered to turn their clothes right-side-out and/or un-ball them before tossing them in the hamper.
I know I do a lot around here...I just wish it would stay done for a while! Sisyphus and his rock come to mind. The picture below is not of me or my house, but this is what my house would look like if I was not constantly battling the forces of entropy.
And tomorrow, I will get up and do it all again! But hopefully minus the rain, at least.
I think you'll know when you're ready to go back into the workforce. For my friend I here, it's the best possible thing that could have happened to her - she was resistant and only did because she had to (her husband was in a coma), and it's been perfect for her and the kids.
ReplyDeleteMaybe feeling that we're too repetitive is something in the air? Me, too.
I saw your post after I wrote mine and how it resonated! I feel like I am always writing about the same few things as well.
DeleteI actually worked from home until it became clear that Thing Two needed every scrap of time and energy I could muster because of his disabilities. (He is doing MUCH better now, thankfully, but not yet truly out of the weeds.) I just had a horrible feeling that I would regret not making him the priority later if I didn't, especially since I am fortunate in that my husband's salary pays the bills.
It's just a small voice sometimes that rebels against the domestic drudgery. I have three wonderful kids and I love the people they are growing into: as their primary caregiver, I can take some of the credit for that and be happy that I am available to go on field trips and come into their classrooms to read and the like. Sometimes it just feels like my brain gets less use than it might. And yes, hopefully it will know when it's time to start looking for employment again!
The only thing that keeps me from going insane, perhaps, is meditating about the sameness -- finding the "NOW" even in the most insignificant task. When that's not successful, I flee to the movies.
ReplyDeleteI am sadly cursed with a most intractable case of monkey brain...meditation has always been very difficult for me. That said, I agree entirely that appreciating the NOW is the only way to survive the monotony! I am also making an effort not to feel guilty when I do something for myself that fills the proverbial emotional bucket...the whole "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" thing.
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