An Eye-Opening Experience

I went to a new eye doctor for a checkup today.  It was an interesting experience, but fortunately not nearly as bad as Ms. Moon's last trip to her mother's eye doctor.

For one thing, the prescription-determining machine showed that, although both have decent absolute vision, my right eye focuses better on things that are far away and my left eye on things that are close to me.  I gather that this is very unusual: essentially, I have built-in bifocals!  As the tech said, at least I'll never need Lasik.  I don't need glasses at this point--hopefully my eyes will continue to work together in peace and harmony.

For another thing, this doctor is apparently a recent convert to the joys of omega-fatty acids and touts them--at great length--as a cure or preventative for everything from eye dryness and infection to heart disease and arthritis.  Yes, I understand that there is a lot of supporting scientific evidence for this, but the enthusiasm level left me wondering if he is paid to pitch this stuff.  I get the feeling that every patient of his probably walks out the door with a sample pack of fish oil capsules, no matter why they came in.

Then, he asked about my eye history.  I mentioned that I had originally come in (to a different doctor in the practice two years ago) because I was having what turned out to be optical migraines and wanted to know what the hell was up with the occasional shimmering lights in my field of vision.  Note to anyone who is also clueless about this: it is entirely possible to have the classical migraine aura without the subsequent pain that would be the big clue for the migraine diagnosis.  Also, one grandmother had a genetic condition that affected her retinas, leaving her mostly blind.  Apparently there is a new DNA test for this, that will tell you what your risk level is of developing the disease.  He was really pushing me to have this test done.

I don't want to, for a couple of reasons.  Unless there is something I can do about it (other than wear sunglasses, which I do anyway), why have that knowledge hanging over my head??  Also, I don't want it to be an insurance issue somewhere down the line, when somebody's server gets hacked and secure medical info inevitably becomes insecure.  No, thanks very much for the offer.

But the icing on the cake was when he (having gleaned from our conversation that I am a biologist) asked if I was teaching it somewhere.  I told him that I've been working for patent lawyers since I earned my Ph.D., at which point he told me about three of the ideas for new inventions he's had recently and asked me to meet him for coffee sometime so we could discuss having me do patentability analyses for him.  Not making that up.  I'm going to assume that this was not a pickup line, although it will count as the first and only time that I have been asked out for coffee by a doctor at the end of an exam!  (As it happened, I was not wearing my wedding rings, only because last week was sparring week at the dojo and I jammed the knuckle on my wedding ring finger in a big way blocking a kick--a week later I still can't physically get my rings on.)  I politely declined the offer.      

At least I don't need another exam for a year.